Pastor Mike
Shepherd by Sunday. Scorer by Wednesday.
The official unofficial home of Pastor Mike. When he is not behind the pulpit, he is on the court chasing an old jump shot or on the mats learning new ways to get choked. This is what happens when a pastor discovers sports.
The Court
Where Pastor Mike pretends his prime is still loading. A detailed (and generous) scouting report on a player who has been called many things: "surprisingly agile for his build," "a vocal leader," and "please pass the ball."
Floor general who runs the offense like a church council meeting: lots of pointing, plenty of encouragement, questionable results.
On a good day. On a bad day it is measured in negative numbers (landing before takeoff).
Solo in an empty gym: 65%. With one observer: 38%. With a crowd: redacted for his protection.
Theology: advanced. Basketball: works on the pick, forgets the roll. Has been known to set a screen and admire it.
Career Highlights (and Lowlights)
Once hit three consecutive 3-pointers in a game. Nobody saw it. (It was a closed gym at 6 AM, but the janitor confirmed it.)
Has never been dunked on. Mostly because nobody has ever tried. The threat of a dunk is undefeated.
Owns six basketball jerseys from teams he has never seen play. Fashion is the real sport here.
Holds the church league record for most encouragement per minute of playing time. Stats do not lie.
Has fouled out of exactly one game. Argued the calls using a three-point sermon framework. It did not work.
Frequently says "I am more of a playmaker" unironically. Has approximately 0.8 assists per game.
The Mats
Where iron sharpens iron, and pastors learn to tap out. The NLBC Men's Grappling Club is the reason "pastor strength" became a legitimate martial arts concern.
Grappling for the Gospel
Pastor Mike started the NLBC Men's Grappling Club because he needed an excuse to roll around on the floor with other guys from church. What began as "a few dudes in the fellowship hall" has become a full-blown jiu-jitsu community where belts are earned, egos are checked at the door, and everybody learns what it feels like to get caught in a triangle from a guy who just led worship.
The mats do not care about your job title, your tax bracket, or whether you just preached a sermon. On the mats, everybody is another white belt trying not to tap in the first thirty seconds.
Club Details
- NLBC Fellowship Hall (mats down, pews pushed aside)
- Open to all men - no experience needed, just a willingness to get submitted
- Gi and no-gi. Yes, both. Yes, at the same time if you are brave.
- First rule: tap early. Second rule: we pray for your sore muscles after.
Signature Moves
The Pastoral Guard Pull
Pull guard while maintaining eye contact and offering verbal affirmation. Highly effective at confusing opponents into submission.
The Sermon Sweep
A perfectly timed sweep accompanied by a four-point outline of what it all means. Opponent is too busy reflecting to resist.
The Fellowship Triangle
Lock in a triangle while simultaneously asking about your opponent's family. The confusion is the actual submission.
Certifiable Stats
Numbers that definitely add up. We tracked everything so you would not have to.
Teams he actually follows: 1.5
This year. We stopped counting in November.
Growing slowly, one sore guy at a time.
You cannot tell a parable without a sports metaphor.
Lifetime Achievement (Self-Awarded)
Join the Club
Whether you want to run a pick-up game or find out what an armbar feels like, Pastor Mike is probably down. No experience required. No judgment. Just good people doing active things together.
Or just show up at NLBC and ask for the guy in the rash guard. He will know.